Do you ever expect bad things to happen to you? Like when you receive an email, you just think oh no now what! Waiting for it to be a complaint or a mismanagement that you have to handle?
This is me as I write this blog! I had 2 financial advisors new to my firm reach out to me at the crack of dawn, and immediately I began thinking, there is a new fire I have to handle! Both turned out to be good news, and I sat on my couch pondering why on earth I always do this?
Is it a protection mechanism? Yes, most likely, definitely! If I plan and prepare myself for the worse, than if it is bad, I’ll be ok. If it ends up being good, then even better! It’s like I lower the bar of expectations so much so I’m not disappointed.
Then I started the journey to uncover why I lower the bar. Why not raise the bar instead?
There must be an event or series of events where I was sadly disappointed, angry, or frustrated. And this event has made a lasting impression on my subconscious mind! As I tap into my subconscious during meditation, a very clear moment came to mind. A phone call from my grandmother’s number, I was a senior in high school, it was after dinner, and I was on the stairs listening in on the conversation. My mother picked up the phone and began talking to who I thought was my grandmother, yet it wasn’t. My grandmother had a stroke, and my cousin found her on the kitchen floor the next morning.
What seemed like a normal call from my grandmother turned out into a health crisis as my mom rushed upstairs to pack. My father was calling the airlines to book her a plane ticket to see her mother who was now brain dead. Remember this was before kayak.com! We followed my mother down to Florida a few days later for my grandmother’s funeral. Our mind has been wired to protect us from emotional traumas like this memory. We become so scared of what life can bring us that even in the most blissful of moments, we begin to think of the worst yet to come. We literally only allow ourselves to enjoy so much of life before we think of something bad, scary, or stressful.
Let’s play a game!
You are staring at the beautiful oak tree in your front yard as you sit on the porch, the sun is shining, birds are chirping as they eat seed that fell below the tree. You feel a light breeze on your face, a welcoming breeze in the heat. You feel what? Content, at peace, calm, present, blissful, what do you feel picturing this moment?
How long do you feel these amazing, positive emotions before they turn to dread. What comes next?
For me, it always comes back to guilt. I feel guilty for enjoying a moment instead of working. I feel guilty for having time for myself away from my kids. I feel guilty that I am not grinding it out at the office. The guilt then turns to I don’t deserve to have what I have because I’m not working. So now I am rid of guilt and am unworthy of money, love, and success.
Feeling unworthy will always funnel things into your world that confirms this belief.Negative people, issues at work, negative stock markets, complaints, tantruming kids! You’ve now entered the negative vortex. I used to try and avoid these emotions, pretend they aren’t there to get back into my positivity glow. It worked for a time, but then I realized, I was resisting these emotions. And what you resist…PERSISTS!
We’ve been taught over and over again we need to stay positive, grateful, and good things will come to you. But what happens when you stuff negative feelings deep down? They explode to the surface, always at the wrong time like right before my daughter’s birthday party or an event when you are overworked and over-stressed. Yes, these very unideal moments is when the $hit hits the fan. Am I right ladies?
So if we can’t avoid and resist them, thank you laws of the universe for teaching us about resistance! What do you do with these feelings? Well I am here today to give you the permission to FEEL your feelings. Allow them in, take them in, feel them, and then guess what? You get to release them! No more bottling them up, deflecting them, holding them in! You allow these feelings to be felt so you can expand beyond them. You read that right! Negative emotions are here for a reason, you don’t have to make sense of them anymore. You don’t have to talk yourself out of them. They are here to be felt and that is all. Feel them my friend, and you will immediately feel free of them. Funny how that works! So go feel, feel it all, let yourself cry, let yourself feel scared, angry, guilty, ashamed. Stop hiding from them because then they truly become a monster lurking in your closet of your subconscious.
“Trust in the Lord with all of your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths.”
My grandmother was an incredible woman, who taught me so much while she was living. I had no idea there was one more lesson she wanted to teach me today in this blog. Thank you for listening, thank you for your love and support. Because of you, my grandmother’s legacy goes on!
If you don’t know my grandmother’s story, it is documented in my first best selling book: Strong Woman Stronger Assets. She had a children’s TV show in the 60s and 70s as well as a women’s talk show, interviewing celebrities such as Sonny and Cher!