S1 E07: Aligning Your Money & Values to Live your Ideal Life with Melissa Myers & Holleigh Urbanik

⁠In this episode, Jess talks to Melissa Myers and Holleigh Urbanik who make up The Melissa Myers financial group. In this episode they discuss what got them into the financial planning world. They get into the importance of having similar views on finances in relationships. Melissa discusses the importance of aligning clients finances with their values in order to live a happy life. Holleigh also gets into the positive influences Melissa has had on her life. They also discuss the different ways to look at finances which are discussed in depth in Melissa’s book- “Going Rogue”.


  • It’s so important to align your money with your values
  • You have to have the right mindset to be successful!
  • The importance of defining a client’s core values when working on their finances
  • The more solid of a foundation that you have with your wealth, the more you can bless others!

Contact our guest:

Website: Askmelissamyers.com

IG: @askmelissamyers

Book: goingrogue.askmelissamyers.co


Jessica Weaver  00:02

Hello and welcome to Women behind the millions. I am Jessica Weaver, wealth advisor, Best Selling Author and founder of the woman’s wealth boutique. And I’m so excited to have this powerhouse team with us today. We have Melissa Myers and Holleigh Swanson with us. Melissa Myers is the founder of the Melissa Myers group Ask Melissa Myers, a best selling author of this book called ‘Going Rogue’, which is still my favorite title out there. And it’s such a strong book as well. So thank you, Melissa. Thank you, Holleigh, for being here with us today as we dive into financial freedom and defining wealth.

Melissa Myers  00:39

Thanks for having us. It’s great to be here. We’re super excited.

Jessica Weaver  00:43

Absolutely. Awesome. Thank you, Melissa. Thank you, Holleigh. So, Melissa, so much to talk about, because I know your background, I know your history. But tell everyone how long have you been a wealth advisor? You’re also a CFP, a certified financial planner. When did your story start in the financial industry?

Melissa Myers  01:01

My story started back in 2000, actually 1999 I learned about what a financial advisor was from a friend who was being interviewed for a position and she told me about that. So by April, I was at Morgan Stanley getting interviewed and hired and knew I could do it. I just didn’t know what I didn’t know, I learned a lot in the last 22 years. 

Jessica Weaver  01:24

What made the position exciting to you, or sexy or intriguing? And you said it’s about not knowing what you don’t know. So being able to step into a role that you’re going to learn so much, I would guess. But what else about it, it got you excited?

Melissa Myers  01:38

Well, I had an i if even if it doesn’t work out attitude, at least I’ll know how to manage my own finances. But I kind of went into it thinking, okay, what’s the worst that could happen? And the worst that could happen would be one of the best things that could happen. In retrospect,

Jessica Weaver  01:55

I love that you said that because you are such an educator in this space, which probably was what prompted you to write your your book that just got launched ‘Going Rogue’. What about you, Holly, how long have you been in the financial industry? What made you join up with Melissa? The Melissa Meyers team?

Holleigh Urbanik  02:12

Yeah, um, so I haven’t been here long. To be honest. I started with Melissa in May of this year. And, um, I really took a leap of faith also, not knowing what I didn’t know, I reached out to Melissa in hopes that she could guide me. And so far I have learned so much from her. I also read ‘Going Rogue’, which has helped me tremendously. It’s given me and my now husband a purpose for our finances. And it’s been really great. I’m learning so much. And it’s just a privilege.

Jessica Weaver  02:50

And Holleigh you’re recently married and Melissa, you’ve been married a long time. How do you see understanding finances can help / hurt a relationship, especially over the long haul. And especially for you all you just coming into a new relationship, being more aware than finances than you probably have ever been before.

Holleigh Urbanik  03:09

It can be overwhelming, and it can be scary, you know, especially if you don’t have those conversations with your spouse, or your significant other, but it actually turns out to be incredibly freeing, like the clarity that you have afterwards, just getting out there, whether it’s, you know, like, I’ve got a whole mess of stuff. And now it’s going to be amazing. Just having that it opens up the doors to a new connection with your spouse, I think and that’s what I’ve found so far. And we’re just getting started.

Jessica Weaver  03:41

That’s beautiful. I can see that. It is overwhelming. There’s so many different components to wealth, managing money, and then you have two people from two different backgrounds coming together with a whole new level of commitment. There’s something beautiful about that.

Holleigh Urbanik  03:57


Jessica Weaver  03:58

There really is and Melissa you’ve been an advisor for so many years, you’ve been married for so many years. How do you see it playing a role in people’s marriages over the long term?

Melissa Myers  04:08

It either makes them or breaks them. Oh, yeah, ladies, yeah. So this is I’m in my second marriage. We just celebrated 10 years. So we thank you. So I started getting my financial house in order after I became a financial adviser.

Jessica Weaver  04:28

Look at that, and then you wanted to take action. 

Melissa Myers  04:31

I did. I was a hot mess myself, because the industry has taught us as advisors how to sell versus advise.

Jessica Weaver  04:41

Thank you for saying this. This is what people need to hear. 

Melissa Myers  04:44

Yeah and I, I recognize the gap. And as I learned more, I wanted to help in serve from the position of which I was in and had learned and overcome. And so it was It was before I was married the first time that I started getting my ducks in a row, and tried and applied everything I had learned about psychology and managing things. And it just it truly that that’s the straw that broke the camel’s back in terms of my first marriage was our disagreements on how to handle finances. I was able then to get to a place of being completely debt free. As I was getting married to my my now husband, I was able to increase my income dramatically, I was able to pay off debt, I finished out the basement in my my former home, I put in a pool I was able to travel, I was able to do all of these things, because I personally got my financial house in order. And then when my now husband and I got together, we both were strong financially and had our ducks in a row that way, but we disagreed on which way some of the ducks should go. 

Jessica Weaver  06:05

So you can come into it pretty prepared yourself. But it can be a whole new dynamic with that other person. Yeah. How did you work through that?

Melissa Myers  06:16

A lot of trial and error. I’m more of the spreadsheet kind of person and he is. But he wants to know all the details. So I do all the prep work, I manage the day to day finances, we both have a voice and we both have an opinion that we respect with each other. And sometimes it’s a leap of faith. We’re boaters i, if he tells me he just bought a boat, I’m like, Okay, that’s great. I trust you. And on the flip side of things, the day to day management of our investments or finances, he trusts me to do that. But what’s great is as a financial planner, I can sit down and show him where we’re at at any given time, he can look in and see the minutia, the details, but he can also see the big picture, ask a couple of questions. And within about five minutes, he’s all set knows we’re good. And he can go on with his day.

Jessica Weaver  07:07

Check ins,  you said a bunch of things I want to highlight here, okay, Checking in with each other is huge. Being able to have the proof of what you’re building that you can share, have a conversation instead of what typically happens is you start accusing each other. You’re not prioritizing this, while you’re spending there. The trust you mentioned, having that leap of faith and the respect. Respect is huge. Yes. So that seems to be the secret sauce. When you’re and I didn’t even know this was the way we were gonna go on this episode is with relationships with money. And you also said psychology behind money. Is that, does that tap into your work dealing with the psychology, kind of the makeup of somebody? The relationship with money?

Melissa Myers  07:56

Yes, absolutely. You know, money is just numbers. It’s logic. It’s quantifiable, it’s it’s left brain. However, if it was just that nobody would have any problems when it came to money. The people who have money, the people who don’t have money, nobody would have problems, but it’s this little thing called an emotion.

Jessica Weaver  08:16

How dare we have emotions around money?

Melissa Myers  08:19

 Exactly. So when we can figure out what drives a client to have taken the steps they have in the past and what they want differently, when we know what they want different in the future, and what’s going to make them happy. And like the the subtitle of my book is- how to align your money with your values, so you can live your ideal life and be a blessing to others. Nobody wants to be a burden. Nobody wants to not be helpful. But sometimes we hold ourselves back until we figure out what what’s keeping us from being able to be in that position. And and sometimes it’s just the understanding that we’re already in that position. We just don’t realize it. Oh, sure. So you know, and interviewing hundreds of women specific for the book and working with 1000s of women over the last 22 years. It doesn’t matter how much money you have or don’t have, there’s still going to be a common feeling of guilt, or embarrassment or shame, inability to talk about money, that it’s taboo, that we can’t celebrate our successes. And that’s one of the things that Holly and I want to be able to give women that that feeling of confidence because money isn’t so much the numbers in the bank. It’s how you feel about yourself in your life and what you’re doing to give back and make an impact. So we’re focused on giving women a safe space, one to share their struggles but also celebrate their successes.

Jessica Weaver  09:42

And I can tell it because you’ve already been vulnerable here with us today and by you being vulnerable as allowing other women to to share their insecurities around money and you brought up my insecurity around money, the guilt, the guilt and I we all have these mantras that our parents told us Money doesn’t grow on trees. The world doesn’t revolve around you, you have to work hard to earn money. And I was thinking of these this morning. Well, my father always says, and he was always the influence because he was. He’s a financial advisor. He’s been a financial advisor for 40 years. I’m curious too for you, Holleigh and Melissa, who have been your big influencers? On money and your makeup? And how have they changed? How has it changed? Holleigh- I’ll have you take that first.

Holleigh Urbanik  10:31

Okay. Well, I guess for being vulnerable. I share with you Jessica, that feeling of guilt, like, money doesn’t grow on trees, I made a huge mess of my, my finances, but honestly, it’s an I don’t want to make it emotional. But um, it might be through my connection with Melissa. And she has really like, I’ve always looked up to her just in the way that she carries herself, like whether she is like out hanging out with friends on boats with us or the pool or whether it’s for work, but she always seemed to have everything together. Like she just felt so calm. I just noticed the way that she would carry herself and there’s like this shine about her. And I was like, Oh, I kind of, I kind of want that I want that I want to shine

Jessica Weaver  11:27

I want that shine on me. And that way other than the sun kissed and blast.

Holleigh Urbanik 11:32

I want that shine. I want that confidence. And I want to be able to leave a legacy to my kids and to my family without being a burden. And honestly, Melissa has been a huge influence on me and my husband now. But yeah, it’s it’s hard to explain in words.

Jessica Weaver  11:51

But when you achieve feeling emotions as your you don’t, you don’t even need to say we can feel you.

Holleigh Urbanik  11:58

It’s a great you feel like I want everybody to feel that.

Jessica Weaver  12:00

 Yes, this overwhelming feeling of love and gratitude for. And I can say the same thing being around Melissa, she does have this very calming effect. And I can tell she’s listening all the time. She’s taking things in, and she’s giving you this space to talk. To let things happen. What about you, Melissa, who have been the influences on you with money?

Melissa Myers  12:21

Well, I love my parents. But going back to family of origin stuff. I received a lot of mixed messages. 

Jessica Weaver  12:33

Oh, sure.

Melissa Myers  12:35

My dad was a hard, is, he’s still with us, a hard worker, he worked in a factory, he was always picking up over time. So he would be working 12 -16 hour shifts coming home, we had a farm, he would be out taking care of the animals, tending to the fields. And he was so busy and worked so hard. And I could see that. And while I also had that mixed message coming in, then when there was something I wanted that cost money, and my mom ran the numbers, and I would be told we don’t have money for that. We can’t afford it. That’s too expensive. The same one you had money doesn’t grow on trees. I was made to feel guilty. And I chose that emotion. But I didn’t know it at that time. But I was made to feel guilty because why can’t you just be happy with what you’ve got, you’ve got a lot more than other people. The mix, and that that was a lot from mom. And that’s okay. I love her. And I understand that she did what she could given the tools she had. So there’s been healing that I’ve had to go through and acceptance that you know, there wasn’t trauma, there wasn’t abuse, but there was that message that- money- we don’t have it and just be happy. There wasn’t necessarily a direct message to instill there’s ways to change that. So one of the things my mom did tell me that I value, I dedicated the book to my mom, because she told me, You can do anything you put your mind to. 

Jessica Weaver  14:17

And that’s powerful. 

Melissa Myers  14:19

And that’s what I hang on to every day.

Jessica Weaver  14:22

Yeah, and it’s such a good lesson that you can pick what you want to to keep with you. You’re gonna think cut the cord, release the cord, whatever terminology you like to use. The other aspects, as you said, they’re just repeating what they’ve learned from their growing up, from their parents. But you’ve become so aware to them that you can change that pattern at any point.

Melissa Myers  14:45

Yes. And you know, I have a 16 year old son. I made a conscious decision early on that I never wanted to tell him we don’t have money for that. Now he’s not spoiled. At Christmas he only gets three Christmas presents and the reason for that I borrowed somebody else’s ideas. I have a girlfriend who blah blah, blah has another friend and I was listening. As you said, I’m listening and observing this. This other friend said we only give our kids three gifts at Christmas. That’s what Jesus got a gold, frankincense and myrrh. Well, that was way before I was married way before I had a son. But I remembered that because post divorce, my son was two, Christmas time rolls around and I was having mama guilt. And I spoiled him, he was two, he didn’t know any better. I had this epiphany when I stacked up all of his toys and made a little display on this chair and took a picture so we can remember it. A week later. He had taken like three toys off of the chair to play with and the rest of them were all sitting there on display. So when he became three, I started my policy of you get three gifts at Christmas time. So now he doesn’t know any different that’s what he knows he gets, its what he expects. He’s appreciative and grateful and life goes on and I’m not having Christmas hangover expenditure hangovers.

Jessica Weaver  16:16

I might steal that. I love that idea. Having three gifts just like Jesus had. That’s fantastic. Because again, my kids get inundated, especially with the grandparents, they can , its just too much stuff. And thats just it they don’t even end up playing with it. You ended up taking collecting stuff, and throwing it out within a few months. 

Melissa Myers  16:33

Yeah. So he gets experiences now he’s he’s pretty well traveled and has his second passport. We’re going to Panama for spring break. 

Jessica Weaver  16:42

Oh, that’s amazing. 

Melissa Myers  16:44

Yeah. So he gets experiences instead of things. 

Jessica Weaver  16:47

That’s what he’s gonna remember. And this is what I want to talk about, too, as we were touching on this, defining wealth. And this is something that you ladies talk about a lot is understanding what is it that we’re after? So many times, we’re chasing the wrong thing. We’re chasing what society tells us. We’re chasing what TV commercials tell us that we need to have or want to have. How do people understand what success is in terms of their own lives?

Melissa Myers  17:16

Would you like to go?

Jessica Weaver  17:18

Okay, let’s hear from Holleigh.

Holleigh Urbanik  17:19

 Okay, here we go. Um, I think for me, and I know that Melissa writes about this in our book, too, ‘Going Rogue’ is mindset, and kind of touching back to psychology of things and your attitude and your belief about wealth, and your finances really shape your journey, like whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right. Like you have to make that mindset of like, this is what I’m doing. And this is what I know and go with it. And I think that a lot of times, it’s so easy with social media and other things like that, where we’re constantly being told, like you must have a Range Rover and a Lamborghini in your driveway in order to be successful. But at the end of the day, if you don’t believe that in your in your mind and your heart and your soul, if you don’t believe that you are successful, or that you have value as an individual, I don’t, I don’t think you’ll ever be successful.

Jessica Weaver  18:17

Oh, that is strong. Very true. Thank you for sharing that. Yeah. What about you, Melissa? How do people when you’re working with clients, and as you said, if we don’t get the mindset, the psychology behind the money, it’s never going to be enough, right? How do you get people to overcome that story that they’re telling themselves, its never enough. And I see with my own clients coming up to retirement and like, it’s never enough. There’s never enough money. There’s never enough we’re going to overspend. How do we help people overcome that?

Melissa Myers  18:48

I think there’s two components to that. One is identifying how much margin someone has in their life financially. Because if we knew we had plenty of margin, if we had enough wiggle room, if we’re just sitting in first class seats versus the back of the bus in coach, like we would feel more comfortable, right? So part of that comes through the whole process of working with a financial planner, understanding what you have done that that has still left some gaps in your in your financial picture, what potential risks might be ahead or roadblocks and having having tools having plans have having an alternate scenarios in place to overcome those and address those. And sometimes it’s just as simple as knowing what those pitfalls could be that gives you the comfort level to to overcome it and not have that fear. A lot of times the fear comes in because you don’t know what you don’t know, you don’t know maybe you’re on track and you just think you aren’t. Maybe you have plenty of wiggle room but you don’t know that. So I think you in order to have clarity you have to have somebody’s walking with you as a guide and helping you take care of the things that still need to be addressed. And then also supporting you through through the market ups and downs, but it’s not all about the market. And that’s why in the book, chapter one, we talk about looking at your life, not looking at your money,

Jessica Weaver  20:22

Switching it, because so many, we’re so money focused we need to be money focused. Its what our industry tells us,

Melissa Myers  20:29

yeah, first appointment, you gotta get your statements and come in and see, listen, Holleigh, I asked them not to bring their statements unless they really want to, we’re having a conversation, we’re finding out if we’re a good fit for each other. And if if we’re able to help you with what you actually need, in one of the things that because there’s always something there’s always some catalysts that gets a client or potential client to come in and have that first initial conversation in the second meeting, and we know we’re going to be a good fit, we want to take it to, we want to go on the second date. Then what I do it at the onset of the meeting is ask that that person sitting with us to pause for a moment and think about what they value most in life. If money were no object, what is it that’s most important to you?

Jessica Weaver  21:24

And everybody can do that listening right now. You can pause the show and think, what is it that’s most important to you? Family? Freedom, health, wealth, faith, oh good one, yes.

Melissa Myers  21:37

Fun? How many of us are running the rat wheel? hamster wheel, we’re going going going

Jessica Weaver  21:42

How many times a day can you say that you are actually having pure fun? And not worrying about the to do list or getting back to work, things like that.

Melissa Myers  21:51

Yeah. Yeah. So that’s, that’s where we’re different is we bring in the qualitative aspects of someone’s financial picture. Because a lot of times, it doesn’t matter how much money you have if you have poor health. Right?

Jessica Weaver  22:10

Very true. Yes.

Melissa Myers  22:11

Now the money can help support, maintaining a healthy lifestyle or addressing ailments and illnesses. But typically, it comes down to where you’re going after you leave this earth, who you’re spending your time with while you’re on this earth, and the quality of life that you’re having by being able to be mobile, to be healthy to have a long, healthy life. I read a book a few years back, it was live long, die short. Oh, why be stuck in disease for years and years? And years? Yes, yeah, and money is just a tool to help us aid in our prevention of disease. So if we have enough money, because so many times when we go through lifestyle analysis, I will hear oh, my gosh, we’re spending too much on groceries. But food is nutrition, food is fuel. 

Jessica Weaver  23:07

Food is viewed as an investment into your house. Absolutely. Unless you’re stocking up on the oreo, the oreo aisle. But for the most part, if we’re spending more at the grocery stores, less eating out less at fast food restaurants. So it could be there is a an investment.

Melissa Myers  23:25

Yeah. And so many times, if somebody is in the position where they’re trying to have more cash flow to cut things out of their budget, they’ll cut supplements, they’ll cut the gym, they’ll cut massage, they’ll help cut the self care categories, where I’m of the camp that I view those as investments in yourself. And so what else maybe could get shifted, and I’m totally against getting rid of the waste cutting, but sometimes it means elimination, but not always. Sometimes it’s just cutting back or redirecting to a better place. So I think I think wealth can be measured however you see value in your life. It’s not the money in the bank, because money in the bank gets relative, right? I was just watching a show yesterday about excess. And and the way it’s just totally corrupted are young people. Kids rolling around in in, you know, really expensive cars, doing things they shouldn’t be doing. Throwing $100 bills out the back of their car, and their kids, they’re teenagers. Right? So it’s not about the money necessarily, but I do believe that the the more solid of a foundation that you have with your wealth, the more you can bless others. And I had an epiphany, not too long ago about about a month before Holleigh joined my team, that that part of what I’ve been doing all along preparing before I needed to was to be in a position where I could provide opportunity to other people, not just my clients, but also my team. Hence, Holleigh being on our team. Yes, that’s why I take it on as a bigger responsibility than just my own personal finances or those of our clients. Now, it’s providing jobs and clarity and a future for other individuals, even the people that subcontract for us, I’m I’m in a position where I don’t have to do everything, I shouldn’t be doing everything, but I’m blessing others. And then what kind of a cool trickle down effect is that because they’re having a livelihood, and they’re choosing how and where to spend their money, that they’re earning. So I think, I don’t know, I look at it kind of like from a greater good of the world. And that makes me excited.

Jessica Weaver  25:44

It’s true, and how much information they’re absorbing just being in your presence. And learning from one of the top advisors here in the States, especially focusing on women. Love all, both of what you ladies have said today ‘Going Rogue’ is Melissa’s book, I highly encourage everybody to read it, it is it’s a quick read, there’s so many amazing nuggets in there that you can start implementing right away. So grateful for Melissa and Holleigh joining the women’s wealth boutique, being part of our our community, our team, and you’re right now you’re able to give back in so many different ways. Whether you’re donating your money, your time, you’re now hiring people, employing people, which is a huge piece of our society. And it’s amazing what you two ladies are doing. Thank you so much for being here. Can you let everybody know where where they can find you follow? You get your book? All the goodies that we talked about today?

Melissa Myers  26:40

Yes, we sure can. The the first place to go would be to askmelissameyers.com. You can sign up for our email list there. You can go to goingrogue.askmelissamyers and get the book. It’s available in print and ebook. Oh, one other thing. when I set out to write the book, I made a commitment to have all of the proceeds go to nonprofits that benefit women. So I’m not making any money off of this book, I am giving more money out because of the book and because of the purchases and yeah, the creativity that other people want to help me participate in.

Jessica Weaver  27:20

That’s amazing. You’re just sharing this huge resource, this information, education, to women and even people who are in the United States. They can take advantage of this book get the ebook, get the paperback ,and you can start rerouting your financial trajectory in this world. So thank you, Melissa. How about you Holleigh, where can people find you?

Holleigh Urbanik  27:40

You can find us on social media. We are on Facebook and Instagram. Search ask Melissa Myers and Melissa Myers you’ll find us there on social media. 

Jessica Weaver  27:53

 Awesome. Thank you both for being with us today. Any last words for our listeners?

Melissa Myers  27:59

 Go Rogue go rogue? 

Jessica Weaver  28:01

Oh my gosh. Well, yes. I feel all the advisors who have joined us at the women’s wealth boutique have gone rogue. Or they just knew there was something bigger out there and unconventional, very innovative approach to money. That’s what I think of when I think of Melissa Myers and her team. So thank you ladies. It’s awesome to see you all. Thank you for listening. Thank you for supporting our podcast the women behind the millions. We’ll see you on the next one!