Going through a tough time this holiday season? Just know you’re not alone! Whether it be something as little as not knowing what to get for everyone or as big as a divorce, everyone has something to stress about during the holidays. The real difference lies in how we react and treat the problems we are facing. Do you dwell on the past, or do you focus on the future? The holidays are about love and appreciating your family and friends and all that you have in your life, but it is much harder to appreciate the now when worrying about the future. You can’t be mindful of the moment if you are worrying about what comes after it, just be happy to get through everyday, because that is a mini victory in itself!
Any time of year, divorces can be one of the most devastating and seemingly world-shattering things women can go through, and this is something that is just a sad fact of life. But as I said before, it’s about the reaction and new planning of your future that dictates how it affects your life. With divorces we think about the past and what we could’ve done to make it better, to fix it, but in reality the marriage wasn’t a failure, it was a learning opportunity. It is a unique opportunity to hit the resets button. How many times have you looked back at your life and wondered how you got here? Well now this is your moment to take your life into your own hands, to ask yourself what it truly is that you want, and that can be life changing in a different way!
Shift your perspective! When we look at things that are negative in our lives, we fall into a pattern of self doubt, questioning every little decision we have ever made in our lives. Next time you face a problem, instead of doing that, think about what you learned from it, what you can look at and say “Wow, I really did that!” While it might sound cliche, one of my mantras in life is to always try to look at the glass half full, and it leaves a little bit more for me to sip on!
Take a new route! Create your own traditions! It’s too easy to fall into the victim mode, looking at ourselves as a failure and judging ourselves for all the things we did wrong, but this isn’t helping, it’s manipulation! We back ourselves into a corner of vulnerability, a space that makes us think we are smaller than we actually are, but just think about all the moments that led you to this. At one point or another, we are all proud of ourselves, all those moments that you looked back and said “Yeah, I did that!” let that guide you!
Be your own best friend! We are not perfect people, all of humankind is imperfect, be willing to adapt, and if along the way you mess up, just simply ask yourself what you learned from it and keep moving forward. Be precise about what you want and just go for it!
Now, divorce is its own journey and learning curve, but what if we find ourselves facing a divorce around the holidays? It might sound terrifying, how could you get through something so terrible around the times when we’re supposed to be full of cheer? Well, just think of it as one more thing to add to your Battle Tested Warrior Queen resume! Holidays bring out a lot of expectations, where we want to go above and beyond, and when something does go wrong, we feel the need to overcompensate and go above and beyond to fix it. But with this perfectionism, what is it that you’re actually trying to do? And how will you know when you get there that you’re at that benchmark, does it keep raising the bar?
Christmas is not meant to be the perfect Hallmark movie, but a time for love and appreciation and to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ. Love has nothing to do with the decorations that are put up, but the people that sit around them. One mantra I tell myself when I’m feeling like I’m not performing to my full ability because of unrealistic expectations I have set for myself is: It doesn’t have to be a gourmet meal, it just has to be dinner.
People come into our lives for a reason, for a season. At the end of the day, the only person that is truly with you for life is yourself, so why not make it enjoyable? Appreciate the little things, laugh at that corny joke your grandpa made at Christmas dinner, smile for that selfie your sister wants to take, and pat yourself on the back when you lay down the night after a party you threw. Don’t resist, persist! You need to be able to look back and find your happiness, and the holidays are the perfect time to really ask yourself what it is that you want and where you want to be, and even who you want to be with.
For more talk about tackling divorce around the holidays, you can watch below (and visit my YouTube channel), where I spoke with the amazing Susan Petang from the Quiet Zone Coaching about ways to treat yourself like the badass woman you truly are!