Want to know my biggest issue?
Feeling successful as a business woman AND as a mom and wife. Ever since my daughter was born I felt like I was fighting an impossible fight! Having to prove myself at work and at home, feeling like a failure no matter what because someone was always disappointed.
In reality, that was my perception of the situation. Have you ever heard, there is your reality, the other person’s reality and then there is the truth. That is exactly it! I had a perception, or limiting belief, that you can’t do both: be a great mom/wife and great at your job. I was reading about people’s perceptions and realized where my own perception came from. Growing up, my mother would always tell me that her mom prioritized her career and was an awful mom. And that’s why my mom wanted to be a stay at home mom, she wanted to give us a better childhood than she had. I’m now realizing, 30 years later, that I took in that information and processed it as: you can’t be a great mom and be successful at your career.
Now I finally know where my limiting belief came from, I have to say it feels good! This is something I have been battling with for 3 years, and I know I’m not alone in this fight against myself. It’s an exhausting fight…trust me!
And it got me thinking about my clients, the women I work with, what perceptions are they living by and battling with?
One of my Strong Retirement Club members just said to me: “even though I’m saving enough for retirement, earning plenty to live on now, I still feel like it’s never enough.” It’s because of her perception or lens she’s been viewing the world in. She didn’t grow up with much money, so her mom worked 3 jobs to make ends meet. Dawn probably thinks that if she isn’t working round the clock then she isn’t doing enough to support herself. Dawn will run herself ragged if she doesn’t put this in perspective!
Let’s break down what Dawn and I do now when those ugly beliefs come crawling back into our minds…
- When you feel anxious, stressed, or in conflict with yourself, ask yourself: what underlying belief or thought is making me feel uneasy?
- Neutralize the belief or thought by writing it down!
- Ask yourself, does this hold any water? Is this a fact or just an emotion, belief, feeling?
- What actions are you taking or have been taking to make sure it isn’t true such as saving $500 a month, paying off your debt, or for me having dinner every night with my family.
- What is something new you can tell yourself to rewrite the script or to state the facts of the situation? For example: I tell myself: “I’m a better mom after a productive day at work.” Dawn can tell herself: “I’m doing all the right steps to help ensure I won’t run out of money or that I’ll always have plenty of money for my needs.”
Trust me on this: THESE LIMITING BELIEFS WILL POP THEIR UGLY HEADS NO MATTER WHAT! And that is ok! They are there to keep us in check, to remember how far we’ve come, and to remember what we prioritize. They will come back during your lows and definitely at your highs to make you question everything. Acknowledge them, neutralize them, and move on.